The misalignment of good intentions
Compromise in an imperfect world. A reflection on staying aligned to our values and intentions, whilst being human.
Hello, fellow creative spirit!
I hope your week is going well. I was part way through writing the planned post (how I found a new form of creative expression through 24 days of tiny poems), when an experience of misalignment this week caused me to start writing this completely unplanned post. I felt passionate about writing down my thoughts and reflections. I wasn’t sure if I would post it. But I thought it would be good to share and see if you have had similar experiences. My vision for Creative Spirits is to be able to explore the complexities of the human experience alongside creativity and nature. In the hope it generates discussion and deeper connections that support us on our journey in life. I feel I’m very much still figuring out how best to do this. So greatly appreciate you being here through this process. I hope this post is helpful to you in some way.
An experience this week, really made me think about the misalignment that is sometimes present within good intentions. I accept we do not live in a perfect world and there are always compromises that have to be made. When I watched the television series The Good Place, I really resonated with the judge finding it hard to make a truly moral and ethical decision when living on Earth. With the current systems we have in place, it feels hard to make daily decisions that don’t impact others or the planet in some negative way, despite our best intentions. There is always a level of compromise. The compromise each of us makes is very personal and largely based on our values. I thought this excellent essay Rock, Creator, Hard Place by
was great at looking at the moral compromise there is within the creator space.In this post, I want to explore the tricky balance of trying to put something good out into the world, alongside the compromises that can impact the original good intention. It’s about exploring what I have seen, and reflecting on it, rather than being a critical piece. I would be interested to hear if you have had similar experiences, and what your thoughts and reflections are.
A stand out experience for me, was when I was referred to a NHS Chronic Fatigue clinic at the end of 2021. I would treat this experience differently to others I have seen online. But it is a clear example of when the actions are misaligned with the service provided, so I thought it would be good to include. The NHS isn’t in a great way and is struggling to provide healthcare in the UK. I believe the people I saw at the clinic were doing the best job they could under difficult circumstances. My first interaction with the clinic was via an online video assessment that lasted 1 hour and 45 minutes. In hindsight, I should have asked for a break or said I needed to stop. The length of the intense assessment was far too long for someone experiencing fatigue. I struggled for days afterwards, and it was the final straw in leaving the part-time job I had at the time.
The assessor decided, I didn’t fully fit the criteria for Chronic Fatigue (I had fatigue, but no memory or immune issues), so I couldn’t be diagnosed or access any of their services. They did offer me one session with one of their therapists. In this online session, I was bombarded with all the information the therapist could possibly fit in within the one hour session. I was left feeling drained and overwhelmed. The irony was their actions towards me were completely misaligned with how they said you should approach managing fatigue, as documented within their own information. The whole experience ended up being worse than if I had had no interaction with the service in the first place. In this case the compromises made due to underfunding, outweighed any benefits I may have been able to experience. A potentially good thing compromised completely by the delivery.
This week something similar in the online wellbeing space came up for me again. I have recently been exploring nervous system regulation techniques to see if it can help with the fatigue I experience. I signed up for a free 5 day course run by a business with a large social media following. I knew when I signed up that they would no doubt be offering a paid course at the end. I understood they are a business and need to earn money from their services. But I was so surprised by what happened during one of their online live workshops. During the live, I found the initial breathwork session helpful, and was considering whether to pay for their longer course. When the next thing I knew their live had turned into something you would see on a shopping channel. They used fomo and scarcity to create a sense of urgency in signing up and paying for the course, which was due to start in less than a week. They encouraged people to sign up immediately on the live to guarantee they got for free their new limited edition affirmation cards. The live turned into a quick sale shopping frenzy.
I’ve seen this style of sales tactic used before to sell online courses. But it felt so misaligned with breathwork and promoting a more regulated nervous system. Their actions didn’t embody the words they had been saying a few minutes before. The whole thing intensified the initial headache I started the live with, put me on high alert and left me ironically feeling dysregulated. I’m sure the course they were selling would have had some benefits. But their push to get as many sales as possible in a short time, lost my trust in them. They were potentially offering something good, but delivering it in a way that was misaligned with nervous system regulation. I was surprised they couldn’t see it themselves, as obviously they had put a lot of thought and planning into their sales strategy. I didn’t really understand the need for their rushed quick sale approach. It seemed too big a compromise in relation to the work they were offering. I felt you could still run the business with a more gentler aligned sales strategy. I did end up emailing them with my thoughts, so they could be aware of how it came across.
I have seen far worse sales tactics used in the online space. I remember seeing one business coach essentially encouraging people to get into debt to pay for their course. I couldn’t finish reading their book after experiencing that. Another area online, I can sometimes see misalignment is within the slow living space. I think this movement has a lot of good things to offer. It has helped me see the benefits of the slower life I have had to lead over the last few years. I believe the world would benefit from more people taking the time to notice the world around them. Feeling more connected to nature and the cycles within it. Living a more intentional life. I understand you can still try and incorporate slow living intentions within a busy life. However, I can feel uncomfortable when slow living can be used as an aesthetic to sell more stuff and add to the consumer cycle. And sometimes I find myself thinking: is all the content creation around it embodying slow living?
I understand we all need to earn money to live, and if you offer a service or product you have to offer it in a capitalist system. But if we are wanting to see certain changes in the world (like more people with a regulated nervous system), should we really use the same problematic tactics to promote something good? What level of compromise is too far and outweighs the original good intentions? When do the actions start to contradict the message or service provided? These are not easy questions to answer and depend on your personal values. We will all have different levels of compromise we are willing to make. I know myself, all my decisions aren’t completely aligned with my values all the time. I have wondered whether the activated reaction I have to seeing misalignments by others, is partly due to me struggling to feel aligned with my own values.
Recently, I have felt uncomfortable about the Substack founders stance and approach to the debate about allowing extreme groups to distribute and potentially profit from hate speech on here. To be aligned with my values, I should leave the platform, but instead I have chosen to stay. This is largely because I can’t find a more morally aligned large platform that offers what I need to create my vision for Creative Spirits. I also like the people I have met on here, and would be sad to move away from this generally welcoming space. I will keep reviewing, and if I find something better I will consider leaving. So I understand, in this space of values and compromise, I am no saint myself.
As I’ve embraced a more creative life over the last few years, I’ve increasingly found myself thinking about how my creative output can be aligned with my values. At first, I got swept up in wanting to sell products like enamel pins, washi tape and stickers. A viable way to create some income from my art. But, as I’ve found myself connecting more with nature, and wanting to move towards living in a more sustainable way. The thought of shipping pins and washi tape from China, and selling more stuff, didn’t feel very aligned with my values (no judgement if this is part of your creative income. It’s just not for me anymore.) I feel if I put something creative out into the world, I want it to be with the least compromise possible. I know this may mean I can’t make a liveable income from it. And that when my health is better and I can work again, I will need to work for someone else. There will certainly be a lot more compromise in this situation. However, I personally feel happier with a higher level of compromise within employment, which then enables me to stay more aligned with my creative ideas. Though there are still limits to the misalignment I am willing to feel with regards to an employer’s values and mine.
I do think it is hard to firstly understand what your core values are against the noise of society. Then find a way to balance compromise with being as aligned as possible with your values. And of course your values change over time. It’s an ongoing process within the complexity of being human. So I understand how even with good intentions, misalignment can easily occur. I think what helps to stay true to your values and intentions, is working on self-awareness, and taking the time to step back and reflect on ideas or situations. I know myself it’s easy to get swept up in the rush of a good offer, or the excitement of something you are passionate about offering. But pausing and taking the time to think about how it aligns with your values, will help you feel more aligned with yourself.
When we come across misalignment within a wider context, I feel we should be able to ask reasonable questions and have an open discussion. I have seen in some places, enquiring questions can soon be shut down. I understand these questions can feel uncomfortable when aimed at something we are passionate about. But I feel it benefits everyone in the long term if a reasonable discussion can be had (not an angry twitter fight). Overall, I think it’s still better to put something good out into the world with some compromise, than not at all. With the intent of reviewing any misalignment and compromises as they arise.
These are only my thoughts and reflections. I certainly don’t have the answers to how we stay true to our values and intentions. It was only after experiencing such an unexpected misalignment this week, that my attention and thoughts turned to this subject. I felt compelled to try and write about it, in what I hope was a fairly coherent way. I wonder if it’s something that comes up for you and what your thoughts and reflections are. I would love to hear about your experiences in this Subscriber Chat , or you can share in the comments. I find it really helpful hearing other people’s thoughts and experiences when reflecting on the complexities of being human. It’s always good to hear a range of viewpoints and perspectives.
I love hearing from you in the comments and chat. It adds so much more to the pieces I post on here. Thank you for being part of this space.
Love Emily xx
beautiful pictures
Thank you for sharing this - as you know this balance between feeling in alignment & getting on and doing stuff within the capitalist world we live in, is one I've also been wrangling with a lot lately! I do feel a lot more sensitive to shifts between something feeling in alignment, and then something happening that feels off to me about it.
As part of this I've recognised that I can also be sometimes all or nothing about stuff, so have been learning to pause in my reaction to check in whether something is a deal breaker, or whether it's a situation where I can still take the stuff that resonates and leave the rest.
However it would definitely put me off investing more in something like a course, because like you say, the understanding of the nervous system is so fundamental to it all, to then act in a way not aligned with what they are planning to teach breaks the trust, puts your nervous system into that alert state and could significantly reduce what you're likely to get out of it. Thanks again for sharing, I always feel like I get so much from your posts!